October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Breast Cancer and Alzheimer's has claimed my grandmothers' as victims. I am always working to fight for both causes and this month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month! 

Breast Cancer will be detected in one out of every female born. Women are more at risk: the older they get; the more alcohol they consume; if there is a history of Breast Cancer in their family and if they are of African-American descent. 

This is the 20th Anniversary of the Women's Only 5K Walk/Run in Greensboro, North Carolina to raise money for screenings in the community! It is important that everyone starts screening as early as possible, I believe the age of eligibility varies depending on the medical insurance. 

My grandmother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease for about five years now.  She was the first housewife I ever met. She showed me how to run a household, how to be attentive to a man (my grandfather) and how to be an entrepreneur - she ran a childcare service out of the house. My grandmother taught me how to cook my first few dishes - scrambled eggs, eggplant ptarmigan and  sweet potato pie.

She was also the first person I knew who was a Cancer (Breast) Survivor!

The older I grew the more I found out about my grandmother as a woman. I found out that she had a bout with Breast Cancer that left her with a long lasting scar that made her insecure. She has overcome Breast Cancer but her brother died of Lung Cancer and her sister died of Leukemia. I am so happy that I still have my grandmother!

Every year my mother and I participate in the Women's Only 5K Run/Walk here in Greensboro, North Carolina and hosted by Moses Cone's Women's Hospital. All funds being raised sponsors pre-screening for women (mammograms). The walk is always the first Saturday in October, I will be there this Saturday, October 6th at 7am. We always run/walk for Grandma.



Three years ago we were able to convince my Grandmother to walk with us. It was a struggle for her but that's just because it was hot, and her legs are so short!

Now that she has accepted that she has Alzheimer's she is more open about being a Breast Cancer survivor.

Right now there is no cure but there is an opportunity for early detection...and with early detection we can have more survivors of Breast Cancer and fewer lives lost!

The Long-Term Effects

This blog is going to be a little different. It will be more about me and less about Alzheimer's. I would like to start off talking about Alzheimer's and how it has affected my life...

I have been taught that with God's grace, I am able to handle anything that the devil puts in my path. Preparing myself for Alzheimer's was something I needed to do one day at a time. It is a different disease and it breaks your heart everyday that you witness it. Since my paternal grandmother has passed away and my maternal grandmother is living with the earlier stages of Alzheimer's, I live with some sense of fear at all times. I fear that an accident will happen that will take my grandmother's life and the life of my grandfather due to her disease. I fear that any one of my family members, including myself will suddenly wake up without knowing who or where they are.

Ever aspect of my life has suffered since my grandmother passed away in October of 2011. My family went through a rough spat of grief for several months and I know we are still grieving, things just seem less intense. I personally have damaged a relationship that I hold very close to my heart. I lost my footing on my path to success and I am still trying to find it again. I have been unemployed and I really am missing everything that once brought me joy and a sense of accomplishment. My father, I know has experienced far worse grief than I have and I have done my best to be a support to him and my mother.

My mother and father have it rough because my mother has to work, so when my father needs to talk and my mother is at work, the poor guy is left with me (smile). I have worried tirelessly about him and I have prayed for him and argued with him, do not let this be the end of your life too. My grandfather needs him. I do not know how extensive his sorrow is but I hope that he knows that he can talk to us when things are bothering him. All in all, this experience has forced me to mature in the following ways:

1. I have to let people know how much I value them while I have them here, with me on earth
2. Life does not stop when an individual experiences a tragedy, "the show must go on"
3. Everyone will not be understanding of your situation, communication = understanding

The Loss of "My Nana"

My paternal grandmother and grandfather left New York when I was two in 1988. A lot of people don't realize that as I have grown older, I have wished that they were around more during my childhood. My older cousin made a great effort to share all the memories that she had with Nana as a child, memories that I know I have but I must admit have faded during the last ten years of my life. So when Nana passed away on October 13th 2011 I knew that all hope had been lost and even though I am a Christian woman, I could not help but be jealous that I would never have the moments with Nana that my cousin did. Overall, I am so happy for Nana's soul, she is at peace mind, body and soul. I know that she will always be with me and I will instill her spirit of selflessness in my children as she instilled it in me.

I stopped blogging because things were getting bad and I was getting angry. Nana's mobility was rapidly declining. I blogged about her appetite before, that became almost nonexistent. She began to keep her hand clenched and then complain that it hurt once it was opened up. She did not trust herself to walk, to get in the shower or to sit on the toilet. It became clear to me that she would not be able to last much longer in this position.

She was still a lot of fun at times, and the staff at Greensboro Place loved her. Although all of the individuals that I knew were sweet and caring and attentive, I could tell that there was a lapse in Nana's care. My assumption was later verified in a meeting that Greensboro Place called to let the family know of all the changes and improvements they were making. Nana was becoming more and more difficult to care for and we started to realize that, but it was too late:

I needed to make it through one week and then I had a week off from school for Fall Break and I was glad! Monday, I came home and my parents said, "We don't want you to worry, but Nana fell and they took her to the hospital to run the usual scans." I said, okay and that as long as she was okay, I'd be fine. This equated to the third or fourth time she fell and she had always came out unharmed so there really was no reason to be alarmed. I had already scheduled a meeting with my parents, the care director of the third party provider that was coming and giving Nana extra care and the staff at Greensboro Place. The result of the meeting was that all parties decided it was time that Nana be placed in a facility that would provide the next level of care, it was what she needed.

So by the time we met on that Thursday, Nana had been unresponsive, she may have smiled once or twice on that one day that week, but she would not eat, she did not respond when we touched her or spoke to her. I went to see her the next day and she seemed like she would be making a recovery, maybe this one just took a little longer. My father quickly made the decision to cancel his travel plans for the next week to be close to his mother in case we did need to move her to another facility.

Thursday, October 13, 2011, was the day after my aunt's birthday and it became the day that her mother died. Nana had woke up that morning and allowed the staff to get her ready for breakfast. She ate in the dining room among her friends, the other residents, and then she had become noticeably tired. The staff member had started to wheel her to her bedroom and before she got there, Nana stopped breathing.

We got a call that she was having trouble breathing and we rushed up to Greensboro Place, only to find that my dad, who was traveling in a separate car, had already received a phone call that Nana had died.

Her funeral was held at Providence Baptist Church in Greensboro, NC on October 19th 2011.
She was laid to rest at Forest Lawn Cemetery and the outpouring of love from our family, friends and neighbors will never be forgotten. Mary Louise Bethea touched a lot of lives and made them better. She was a cherished commodity and will be greatly missed but always loved.

Walk to the End

This morning, Mommy, Zoey and I attended the Alzheimer's Association's Walk to the End, Alzheimer's Walk at Center City Park in downtown Greensboro.

Mommy and Zoey



Center City Park












There seemed to be a great turnout, there were many teams of people. Some of the people were walking with their loved one who had been diagnosed:



Team David, walking with David, who looked great and had the warmest smile!



Another local family, Maw Maw's Alz Stars...great team name guys!!

I was pleased to see representation from Nana's facility, Greensboro Place. If someone is willing to give up their Saturday morning for the cause, they must care. There were many care providers represented at the walk.

Some of the dedicated folks from the
Golden Living Center



Scott and Lori from the Western Carolina Chapter
in Charlotte, NC



I was also able to speak with Scott and Lori from the Alzheimer's Association and hopefully I will be working with my local chapter in the future.

Did you know that African-Americans are twice as likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimer's as Caucasians and Latin-Americans are 1.5 times as likely? Well a genetic study is being done at North Carolina A&T State University to locate the gene being expressed in individuals with Alzheimer's disease. I encourage everyone over 65 to apply, Mommy and I signed Nana and Grandma up for the study!

There were other organizations present, supporting the event. Almost everyone knows of someone with Alzheimer's disease.



Greensboro Harley Motorcycle Club led us in the walk



Some of the members from the Climax Masonic Lodge #832





Encore Lead Entertainment performed "We Will Rock You"
before the start of the walk












I am ready to take the next step towards the cure. It was refreshing to see everyone come out to show their support and love for their family members.

Entering the Later Stages

Today was one of those days where I sat and stared at Nana, wondering, what was this thing that took away so much of her life? I know that she has entered the later stages of the disease but I am grateful that her spirit is still strong, she still tries to make sure everyone around her is cared for, and her smile is still contagious. It seems that her thought process is still functioning on a high level, she just cannot express herself, but I know that even that may be me being hopeful. That is something that I worry about very much, I want her to be able to express pain and discomfort, especially when we made the family decision to move Nana into an assisted-living facility.

In November 2010, I received a phone call at work, that Papa had a stroke in his sleep and had to be taken to the hospital. After a week in the hospital, he was moved to a nursing facility for in-patient, physical therapy. Nana would have to be watched all night now, so Mom, Dad and I took shifts sleeping outside of her room, on the couch. Nana was notorious for trying to leave the house in the middle of the night, so we needed to make sure she did not fall or try to walk out the door. Papa was out of the house from the beginning of November until the beginning of January.

We made the final decision to move Nana into a facility right before Thanksgiving, boy did I cry. I thought I was the strong one out of the group, but little did I know that my guilt would overpower any other feeling I had. I instinctively felt the need to protect Nana from the pain of the transition that she did not know anything about. No one was able to convince me that anyone would be able to care for her better than we were, but I did understand that Papa needed a peaceful environment to support his own recovery.

We went out and bought new clothes and bedding, we tried to make friends with ALL the staff members and we prayed. The name of the facility is Greensboro Place. It is an assisted-living facility with activities during the day and evening entertainment, usually musical. The staff came across as very sincere and understanding to the situation.

The first morning, after we moved her in, we went to visit her and we couldn't find her...she was in her shower stall with the curtain drawn closed, she looked so scared and I was furious. The next day, Nana was sitting in a wheelchair, but she had not needed assistance walking prior to being in the facility, so I was upset again. Nana fell out of the bed, she fell twice from a standing position and each time she was sent to the ER for scans and x-rays. Thank God, each time she was fine.

To me, it seems that since Nana has been away from home she has become more dependent on others, because the staff at the facility have allowed her to be. Six months ago, she was strutting around the house and sometimes dancing. Now, she is in a wheelchair, she is afraid to walk because she does not trust her own strength. Her appetite has diminished and she has lost some weight. Given her environment, I do not blame her for losing some of her will to live. Most assisted-living facilities house individuals who are difficult to care for or who do not have anyone to care for them, it's depressing. Now, we have realized that we need to make an extra effort to make sure she eats enough everyday. It's up to us, I knew not to trust strangers to do what would be best for her..

I can't help but think that if we had more help, more man power, more money and resources, Nana would be in a better place. I understand, that logically Alzheimer's is a disease that gradually progresses and that the next stage will always be inevitable until death, but I want to know that I have done all I could have possibly done to preserve the woman that I knew her to be. I love my Nana, and I hope that one day, I can be a witness to the cure for her and Grandma's disease.

Tomorrow is the Alzheimer's Association's "Walk to End Alzheimer's" event in Greensboro, North Carolina. Many people advocate for an end to a disease we have so much trouble trying to understand. In the beginning, I understood Alzheimer's to be a break down in neurological communication within the brain. Later, over the past few years I began to understand that it was one of many types of dementia. While I was in college in Atlanta I worked with the Alzheimer's Association chapter there and realized what I wealth of knowledge they had in dealing with and diagnosing Alzheimer's. It's unfortunate that there is still no cure but I encourage everyone to check out this link for more information as to what Alzheimer's is: http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_what_is_alzheimers.asp

but I strongly recommend this one for visual understanding:
What is Alzheimer's Disease: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wv9jrk-gXc

Here are other links that may provide some insight to the research that has been done:

Early detection Alzheimer's test: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZOlmHQj8To

Stages of Alzheimer's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-P9lbTJ9Hw

"Meet Me Where I Stand" Says Nana...

When Alzheimer's was introduced to our family so many years ago, we did not know what it was. I thought, at my young age, that it was just a fancy name someone had conjured up for people going senile. "Nothing is wrong with Nana, she's just getting old." I guess I was in denial because I knew that her sister was going through the same thing, and it was a real disease. It wasn't too bad at first, Nana's behavior was something you could easily mistake for someone being forgetful, but it gradually got worse.

Paper towels began appearing in the oven, and aluminum foil in the microwave. Every small slip that she made had the potential to be devastating. Papa kept it together for years, until it finally became too much for him to handle.

Nana's spirit has always been pleasant, warm and upbeat. We knew that as long as her spirit was good, she would be too. I must admit the first year was a blur, but I know that once we entered her into a day program here in North Carolina, she was seemingly better for it. The program is called "A.C.E." and it stands for the "Adult Center for Enrichment". They would do activites within the facility, bands and comfort dogs would come in during the afternoon. Nana thought that she was a volunteer at the facility and that she was working to care for the other participants. It was cute and most importantly, Nana was happy. We made sure we were available to drop her off in the morning and to pick her up in the afternoon. Each year, they have a prom and there is dancing, a prom queen and king and presentations by government officials in our area.

Click here to see pictures on Facebook from the 2009 Mexican Fiesta Senior Prom:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.537928105957.2049914.35600144&l=2cbe8e17d8

The last year she participated in the program was a stressful one. Her decline was more and more evident. My mother and I could see it the most in the morning when we would get her bathed and dressed. Her reactions were slower, she was forgetting how to lather her washcloth and how to wash. She was becoming fearful of making big movements, like stepping in and out of the bathtub, even with our assistance. Some days, she would fight us to not get out of bed. She also had a few fights at the A.C.E. facility, but they were understanding of her condition.

I am always amazed at the names she calls in her state of confusion, most of the names I do not know and it tickles me when I do hear one I know and can make up a legitimate story as to why that person is not with us. There were many times, I had to call my aunt or father to figure out who a person was that Nana was speaking about. It took a lot of time and reflection before I started viewing her disease in a way that would be healthy for me and helpful to her. My concentration turned from trying to make her understand, to trying to puting her at ease and making her happy for that moment.

Everyday I strive to be her best girlfriend. I am no longer playing the role of granddaughter because she can't play the role of grandmother. We are friends. I do whatever I can to make her happy and sometimes that means going wherever she is in her mind. I have picked up the slang of the last sixty or seventy years trying to keep up with Nana. I remember she asked me for a "leaf" one time, I said to myself, "She must mean tobacco," and I laughed. My mixed slang will creep into my conversation with friends, and they will give me puzzled looks that only make me laugh to myself. I have downloaded Lavern Baker to my iPod because Nana loves the song "Jim Dandy to the Rescue" and now, I am a Lavern Baker fan. I have learned more from her by re-living her past with her than I probably would've through conversation. I can say that when she is coherent, and in a good mood, her wisdom is still evident when she is asked a question about life. That, I thank God for and I know Daddy does too.

Adult Center for Enrichment: http://www.acecare.org/


Lavern Baker
"Jim Dandy to the Rescue" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqKTFFOqT-w

Profiles of My Grandmothers

My paternal, and oldest grandmother is Louise Bethea, who we affectionately call, "Nana". This year she turned 87 on January 27th of this year. She was born and raised in a small town, Fairmont, North Carolina and then moved to New York City where she spent the majority of her years. She raised two children in New York, my aunt and my father, and just celebrated her 63rd Wedding Anniversary with my grandfather. Nana ended up having an extensive family in New York, especially on the block where she raised her family, Inwood Street, in Jamaica, New York. All of the children came to call her "Mrs. B" and she made sure everyone was cared for and safe. I am the youngest of her two grandchildren, my cousin is ten years older but my Nana has five great grandchildren, all my cousin's children. I was two years old when my Nana and Papa moved from New York to North Carolina and I only saw them three or four times a year. Nana was always fun and nurturing! She taught me how to give of myself by volunteering and how to cook and we always seemed to be doing laundry (smile).

My parents and I left New York during the 2005 holiday season. We spent our first Christmas in North Carolina and moved Nana and Papa into our home. Papa had asked for help the previous Christmas and Daddy promised to be there within a year and he always keeps his word...

My maternal grandmother, "Grandma," just turned 75 on March 15th of this year. She just celebrated 50 years of marriage with my grandfather and has only been diagnosed with Alzheimer's for 4 or so years but it seems to be more aggressive in her case. She was born in a small town called Carrolton, Alabama and moved to New York where she met my Granddaddy. They married and raised my mother as an only child. I spent most weekday afternoons, and weekends with these grandparents while I was growing up in New York. My grandfather's job asked them to move, and so they did and they retired to North Carolina. My grandmother helped me with my homework, would style my hair before school and make my meals when my parents were working. I traveled to Alabama with them during the summer and I learned what it meant to work hard and provide for your household. Grandma was a babysitter by trade and always had a house full of children, I met my best friend at my Grandma's house.

It was truly a blessing that we decided to move to North Carolina for Nana's sake because in doing so we put ourselves in a position to be closer to Grandma. This weekend I was able to do something with her, that I had not been able to do with Nana, and that was to tell her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her and wanted nothing more than to protect her from the pain that I know is going to come...

The Alzheimer's Walk in Greensboro is this coming Saturday and it isn't too late to register, it's free!

http://2011walktoendalz.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=450892