The Loss of "My Nana"

My paternal grandmother and grandfather left New York when I was two in 1988. A lot of people don't realize that as I have grown older, I have wished that they were around more during my childhood. My older cousin made a great effort to share all the memories that she had with Nana as a child, memories that I know I have but I must admit have faded during the last ten years of my life. So when Nana passed away on October 13th 2011 I knew that all hope had been lost and even though I am a Christian woman, I could not help but be jealous that I would never have the moments with Nana that my cousin did. Overall, I am so happy for Nana's soul, she is at peace mind, body and soul. I know that she will always be with me and I will instill her spirit of selflessness in my children as she instilled it in me.

I stopped blogging because things were getting bad and I was getting angry. Nana's mobility was rapidly declining. I blogged about her appetite before, that became almost nonexistent. She began to keep her hand clenched and then complain that it hurt once it was opened up. She did not trust herself to walk, to get in the shower or to sit on the toilet. It became clear to me that she would not be able to last much longer in this position.

She was still a lot of fun at times, and the staff at Greensboro Place loved her. Although all of the individuals that I knew were sweet and caring and attentive, I could tell that there was a lapse in Nana's care. My assumption was later verified in a meeting that Greensboro Place called to let the family know of all the changes and improvements they were making. Nana was becoming more and more difficult to care for and we started to realize that, but it was too late:

I needed to make it through one week and then I had a week off from school for Fall Break and I was glad! Monday, I came home and my parents said, "We don't want you to worry, but Nana fell and they took her to the hospital to run the usual scans." I said, okay and that as long as she was okay, I'd be fine. This equated to the third or fourth time she fell and she had always came out unharmed so there really was no reason to be alarmed. I had already scheduled a meeting with my parents, the care director of the third party provider that was coming and giving Nana extra care and the staff at Greensboro Place. The result of the meeting was that all parties decided it was time that Nana be placed in a facility that would provide the next level of care, it was what she needed.

So by the time we met on that Thursday, Nana had been unresponsive, she may have smiled once or twice on that one day that week, but she would not eat, she did not respond when we touched her or spoke to her. I went to see her the next day and she seemed like she would be making a recovery, maybe this one just took a little longer. My father quickly made the decision to cancel his travel plans for the next week to be close to his mother in case we did need to move her to another facility.

Thursday, October 13, 2011, was the day after my aunt's birthday and it became the day that her mother died. Nana had woke up that morning and allowed the staff to get her ready for breakfast. She ate in the dining room among her friends, the other residents, and then she had become noticeably tired. The staff member had started to wheel her to her bedroom and before she got there, Nana stopped breathing.

We got a call that she was having trouble breathing and we rushed up to Greensboro Place, only to find that my dad, who was traveling in a separate car, had already received a phone call that Nana had died.

Her funeral was held at Providence Baptist Church in Greensboro, NC on October 19th 2011.
She was laid to rest at Forest Lawn Cemetery and the outpouring of love from our family, friends and neighbors will never be forgotten. Mary Louise Bethea touched a lot of lives and made them better. She was a cherished commodity and will be greatly missed but always loved.